Pasta Puns – Derek and Peter

“Peter, don’t eat with your hands!” Sheila, the mother, commanded her son, who is eating spaghetti with his hands.

“But mom, I’m not stroganoff to use a fork.” Peter laughed.

“The real Peter would never admit to not being stroganoff…you must be an impasta!” Derek hopped on the pun train.

“You’ve lost your noodle!” Peter responded.

“I bet you paid a pretty penne for that one.” Derek said.

“No way, puns are a part of my daily rotini.” Peter said.

“You look as dough you’re coming up with these on the spot!”

James is shaking his head. “Would you guys cut it out?” He asked with shake of his head.

Wheat a minute, we’re not done yet!” Peter and Derek said at the same time.

“Here we go agrain.” James deadpanned.


Grape Juice – Michelle and Mike

Mike is sitting down at the computer desk in the living room, pencil in hand and homework before his eyes.

He’s trying his hardest on this test, because it’s due tomorrow and if he doesn’t pass, he knows for sure he will hear from his dad.

Truthfully, he has been slacking on school for quite awhile now, and once his parents found out, it got ugly. Very ugly. So this test is top most priority for him.

“Hey Mike,” Michelle greeted, walking by his side and taking a sip of her bottle of grape juice. “What’re you up to?” She asked.

“Go away, Michelle. I’m busy right now, we can play later.” He replied, never removing his eyes from the paper before him.

She sat her juice bottle down and leaned over the desk to get a better view of his work. “What are you busy doing?”

These pointless questions were starting to annoy Mike. “My homework, now go away so I can finish.”

“What does this mean?” She asked him curiously, lifting her hand to point at a specific sentence. But as she lifted her hand she accidentally knocked her juice bottle over.

The contents began pouring out…all over Mike’s nearly completed homework…

“You clumsy idiot! I spent all day working on this test!” He quickly picked up his work, and hopped out of the chair because it was spilling on his pants too.

“I’m sorry, Mike!” she frantically apologized. She sat the bottle up and took his homework, “Don’t hurt me, I’ll fix it, okay?”

She took a dish rag and started wiping over the papers, but this only proved to make it worse because it was smearing all his writing and tearing the paper.

“You’re making it worse!” He took it from her and growled, “Great, now it’s ruined!”

“I’m sorry!”

“You’re gonna be, short stuff!”

Michelle gulped loudly as Mike looked and sounded absolutely livid about his ruined homework.

She tried to run but, as usual, she didn’t make it far. Maybe about five feet tops.

Mike is older than her, faster, stronger and taller. She knew her escape wasn’t possible, but she tried anyways. Give her some props.

She hated being the younger sibling, it’s almost never fun. The only thing worse than being a younger sibling is having an older sibling. And maybe broccoli.

Mike has her by the arm. She’s still trying to escape but it’s not working. He’s dragging her across the room, and out the back door onto the wooden deck.

“What are you going to do to me?” She squeaked in worry.

“Your favorite.”

“No, not that!”

Mike pushed her to the ground. She scrambled to get away but he grabbed her by her yellow shorts and pulled her back.

Michelle pouted. While she does love her brother, he can be a real jerk sometimes. Namely when she accidentally does something wrong, which is quite often.

He laid her flat on the ground, face up, and held her arms down with his hands.

He had her pinned down, she was unable to escape the impending doom. His face was above hers. He’s getting ready to dangle a loogie over her, she knows it. She only hopes that it doesn’t fall this time.

She continued to whine and attempt escape. “Mike I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to, please don’t do this!” She shouted as a last resort.

“Yeah, well thanks to your juice, mom and dad are going to kill me because of a big fat F that’s going to be on my report card!” Mike retorted, “And after this you’re going to do my test over for me!”

“Mike!” She cried as he began hacking up the loogie in her face.

He kept her there for quite some time, leaving her with the never ending fear of that gross slimy saliva falling.

He did eventually let her up, but only because his test did indeed need to be finished, and she was to finish it for him.

“You’re the worst, Mike. I hate being the younger sibling.” Michelle complained as she sat down before a blank piece of paper and several school books that were above her education level.

“Well that’s your own problem, now fix mine.”

She huffed and took the pencil and began writing. Mike left the room, not wanting to waste his time watching her do his test over again.

She didn’t know what any of this meant. It all looked like hooey to her, so she began scribbling on the page. She actually just thought of something brilliant. Mike isn’t here…he probably won’t even look at the work she did… Michelle smiled. She could use this as revenge for her completely unneeded punishment.

Once she was finished with his homework, she stuffed it in his backpack and prayed that he wouldn’t look at it.

“It’s finished.” Michelle said as she walked into the kitchen, where Mike is making a turkey sandwich.

“It better be good, and better than my average unless we want to have a repeat of this morning’s activity.” he threatened.

“It’s definitely better than a D.” She joked.

“Don’t try to be funny with me, I’m still mad.”

“Come on, Mike. It was an accident.”

Mike finished making his sandwich, and left the kitchen without another word. As if being tortured isn’t enough when he’s upset with her, she also gets extremely bored without someone to talk to or play with.

“I wish mom were home…” She said, resting her head on her arms on the table boredly.

The next afternoon, at school, Mr. Clay requested all the homework that is due that morning. He began reading them off one by one, but once he got to Mike’s he stopped momentarily.

“Michael Retro!” He called out firmly.

Mike’s attention darted from his twiddling thumbs to Mr. Clay an in instant. “Yes sir?”

“You were told to answer a test on History, not ‘25 reasons why Clarissa Clarity is the cutest girl ever.’

Clarissa blushed slightly and glanced at Mike, while Mike blushed profusely and sank in his desk. The students reaction is an even mixture of “Awws” and laughter.

“Michelle!” He mumbled quietly.

Mr. Clay continued reading on. “Or how about the sequel: 50 reasons why Bill and Anna are the biggest dummies ever.

What?!” Mike almost shouted.

Bill Loney and Anna Fender were the two biggest, baddest people in his class. He can’t believe Michelle even went that far!

Mike’s expression froze as he suddenly heard knuckles cracking and teeth grinding from behind him.

“I’m sure you’d like to explain all this…while in detention.” Mr. Clay said, glaring at Mike. “And while we’re at it, you get an F.”

Several guys threw paper balls at Mike as he stood up and exited the classroom, while several girls whispered and passed notes to Clarissa about Mike and giggled.

Later, during recess hour, both Anna and Bill are scouting the area for Mike, but he’s still in detention (but they don’t know that because they’re dumb, like Michelle wrote on his paper.) Unable to locate him, they then decide to find someone who may know of his whereabouts.

“Hey pipsqueak,” Anna called out, referring to Michelle. “Where’s your brother at, we have something we need to tell him.”

Michelle, who’s currently facing away from them sitting on the metal dome climber, dropped backward, hanging upside down on the bars by her legs. “Hm?” she asked, her ponytail dropping behind her head.

“Your brother. Where’s he at?” Bill asked intimidatingly.

“I don’t know. Judging by his homework he turned in, he’s probably in detention.” She answered with a sly smirk.

“That’s what we want to talk to him about.” Bill replied.

“Wait,” Anna said, eyebrow raised in suspicion. “How do you know about his homework?”

Michelle giggled. “Well, I accidentally ruined his original homework, and after that he kept being a jerk to me, then made me do his homework all over again.

So to get back at him, I filled his homework with stuff about Clarissa and these two doofuses that he’s always complaining about.” She explained in between laughter, “It was great, I wish I could have been there to see his reaction.”

“One of the names didn’t happen to be Anna, was it?” Anna questioned.

“Or Bill?” Bill added.

“Yeah! Those were the names!”

Anna and Bill shared angered glances before glaring at Michelle.

Michelle raised an eyebrow at their devious looks before she realized that they were the two, big, fat, ugly doofuses that she wrote about.

They both lunged at her, but ended up running into each other as Michelle dropped inside of the dome climber. Luckily, they both were kind of chubby and slow, unlike Mike, so it took them some time to hop in there with her.

“Come back here you little stink!” Bill shouted angrily, humorously trying to fit through the bars.

“Now we’re gonna beat you, and your lousy brother!”

“That’s why I’m running!” Michelle said.

They chased her all around the playground. Over the swings (which Bill tripped over,) around the merry-go-round, and across the seesaws… All the while, many a kid watched, but not one bothered to do something about it.

“Why should I risk getting pummeled too?” All the other kids thought as they watched.

Michelle climbed up the wooden play fortress and continued to run. She glanced back and saw that only Bill was giving chase, apparently Anna was already tired out. It wouldn’t surprise her.

Michelle crawled through a small blue plastic tube and made a final sprint for the slides. She quickly hopped on the slide and pushed herself down. Bill was far behind her, trying to squeeze through the tube.

Once she made it to the bottom, all she would have to do is run inside the school and find a teacher. Except, once she did make it to the bottom, she was met with Anna. She had been waiting at the bottom of the slide for her.

“Uh oh!” Michelle exclaimed. She quickly turned around and started to climb up the slide, but Anna grabbed her legs and pulled her back.

“Finally got you, you little twit!” Anna said in between huffs and panting from running so much.

“It was Mike’s fault!” Michelle helplessly blamed.

“For what you wrote about us?” Anna questioned, not at all convinced.

“Well, I only wrote what he always says about you, and now I know it’s all true!” Michelle shouted while kicking her legs as she was forced out of the slide.

“Anna! I’m stuck!” Bill shouted from on top of the play fortress.

“Hold on, I have to deal with her!” Anna shouted back. “Well, now I know you’re just as fun to bully,” she chuckled evilly. “You put up more of a fight than your brother.”

Michelle fought and squirmed around in her grip. “Let go of me!” she shouted.

She has to wonder why in the world she’s always getting picked on (even though this time it is kinda her fault.) Really though, Mike does it all the time, sometimes with the help of their cousin Chad, and now these two bums are doing it.

“The more you squirm, the more it’ll hurt. Which is perfectly fine by me!” Anna said.

Anna held Michelle’s wrists very tightly, it almost felt like the tightest point of a blood pressure strap, only it hurt a lot more and she isn’t checking her blood pressure.

“I don’t like it when people say, do, write, or even think about anything bad about me or Bill!” Anna shouted in her face.

“It wasn’t even that bad!”

“We read it, and we didn’t like it! Now shut up before I shut you up myself!” Anna scolded, small bits of spit escaping out of her putrid food muncher.

Michelle obeyed. She didn’t want to be pummeled to a pulp. Harder than she’s going to get, anyways.

Michelle clenched her eyes shut as Anna pulled her fist back. It was only a matter of seconds now.

Its should be happening…it should…

It… It hasn’t happened yet.

Why…why hasn’t it?

Michelle peeked open an eye, and found that there was a lack of Anna before her. Actually, in the distance, there was an Anna being dragged away by an adult. A teacher perhaps? Michelle didn’t know, but she’s just glad that her bully has been stopped.

She let out a sigh of relief. Although her bully has been dealt with, she still has to deal with her brother later when they get home. Hopefully mom or dad will be home before them, though that’s not usually the case. Grandma is usually there, though.


Speak of the brother.

She turned to face Mike. “I know, I know. My favorite.” She said dully, as she began to lay down on the ground.

Mike chuckled and shook his head. “No. I’m not going to do that.”

Michelle lightly gasped and sat up. “You’re not?” She asked incredulously. “But I messed up your homework. And…and I made you get an F.”

“You little twit, you did didn’t you?” Mike said, doing a half motion toward her but then backing off while laughing. “I’m just joking.” He chuckled and helped his sister up.

“But you always do it to me. Even when you’re not mad.”

Mike stared at her boredly. “I’m trying to be nice here, do you want me to do it?”

Michelle shook her head. “No!” She said, “I’m just surprised.”

“Well, I do it to you a lot. You’re my little sister, it’s what you’re here for. But at the same time you are my little sister, so I can’t always do it to you. Besides, I think what you almost had coming is more than enough for the day.” Mike explained.

“Did you get the teacher to take Anna away?” Michelle asked.

Mike nodded.

Michelle hugged him and began to lightly tear up. “I’m sorry about your homework, Mike.”

“It’s okay. I’m sorry about overreacting about the situation in the first place. You didn’t mean to spill the juice on my homework. At least, you better not have.” He eyed Michelle suspiciously.

“Of course not, I would never do it on purpose.” she confirmed.

Behind Mike, some giggling could be heard. Michelle curiously looked passed him, while Mike himself groaned.

“Will you girls leave me alone? I don’t like Clarissa like that!” He shouted in irritation.

“Yes you do!” All the girls giggled at the same time.

Michelle tried to fight back her own giggles. “Sorry about your new fan club.”

“No, it’s fine. Because I would take these girls over Anna and Bill any day.” He said. “Here’s a few tips: Never look them in the eye, never say, do, write or even think anything bad about them, and most of all…always give them your lunch money, unless you want them to hang you on the flag pole.”

“What if I don’t bring lunch money?”

“Always bring lunch money. The one time a kid didn’t bring lunch money, he was never heard from again.”

Michelle sighed. “You don’t think they’ll really continue to bully me do you?”

Mike placed his hand on her shoulder. “Welcome to the Bill-Anna Battlefield.”

Later, that evening on the school grounds…

“Anna?” Bill called out. He’s still stuck in the small blue tube. “Anna?!” He shouted out loudly. He’s been calling out for her or at least somebody for hours now.


-The End-

This is a short story that I wrote about a year ago.

The story takes place in the same universe as The McWilliams Family.

Hope you enjoyed the reading!

Rocket Robbery – Peter and Stella

“It doesn’t take a genius to know this is a bad idea.” said Stella, arms folded and eyebrow quirked.

“That’s what makes it fun!” Peter stated proudly as he picked the lock on Derek’s door. Derek is currently away from the house with some friends.

The two inched into his room. It’s decorated with guitars, countless photos of himself, family, and friends, as well as a blown up picture of James’ eye in a twitch. Even while he’s away he left his stereo playing rock music from his big, expensive speakers.

Peter opened up the bottom drawer of Derek’s dresser and began to dig around.

“You sure it’s in there?” Stella questioned. She was about to ask why he’d hide a rocket in the first place, but the answer was very clear to her.

Peter unearthed the functional model rocket from the depths of Derek’s dresser. “Positive!”

The two scrambled out the door, down the stairs, across the living, through the garage (where a curious little robot called Prototype began to follow), and finally out to the front yard.

Peter assembled the model rocket on the driveway and firmly held the remote control.

And dropped it.

“Lemme see it.” Stella said, reaching for the remote.

“I took it and assembled it. You get your turn after mine.”

Prototype blipped happily.

The rocket hummed as Peter sent power into it. Before long the rocket blasted into the air, impressing the three watchers.

At least until it flew into second story window with a loud crash!

“Nice going.” Said Stella.

Peter chuckled. “At least it’s back in Derek’s room…”

Neither were aware of Prototype, who’s eyes quickly turned red. He shouted in his synthesized robotic boy voice, “Intruder breaking in!”

Both Peter and Stella exclaimed, trying to calm the aggravated robot.

“It’s not an intruder!” Peter shouted, waving his arms.

But it was too late. Prototype fired a REAL rocket into the very same window the FAKE rocket blasted into. There was a loud boom, some fire, lots of breaking sounds. One of Derek’s expensive speakers flew out of the window and nearly beheaded Peter.

Peter and Stella exchanged a glance.

“Technically Prototype broke his room, so…” Stella began.

“Then technically that makes it James’ fault since Prototype is his robot…” Peter mentioned.

“Intruder neutralized.” Prototype said.

Peter and Stella slowly walked away from the robot.

Slicing for Dummies – Guild Training II

“Swordsman,” Said Cedric, a rather small built man. He’s not short, his overall body mass is only small. “Give me your undivided attention, if you will.”

Every first year Swordsman brought their attention to Cedric, and through their initial expectation of him, they were sorely surprised. Most figured he’d be big and bulky, full of muscle and girth. Others thought him to be rugged and mean, like a pirate of the seas.

“That’s the legendary Captain Cedric we’ve been told about?” Questioned Anthony of Gem Guild. “Kind of a let down.”

“I kinda expected him to be, I dunno…more buff and handsome.” Shrugged Tina of Stone Guild.

“Guys, they do say big gifts come in small boxes.” Said Cole, a bit more optimistic than the rest of the first years.

“It’s packages, not boxes.” a second year named Gabe mentioned. “Nevertheless you three shouldn’t question Captain Cedric.”

“I wasn’t questioning him, merely a misconception of what I had thought he would be like.” Anthony said.

“Behold the practice dummies,” Cedric said, holding out his arm toward a line of wooden and stone practice dummies. “Using these bad boys you’ll practice some basic sword skills.”

A third year stepped up to one of the stone dummies, readied his stance, and within the blink of an eye he sliced across the dummy, effectively cutting clean through it’s left shoulder to its right leg.

Scattered applause sounded (as well as some female Swordsman giggling lovingly at his performance).

“And as Steven just demonstrated, with much practice, a swordsman can accomplish great things.” Said Cedric. “First and second years follow me.”

He led the group to an area surrounded with cloth dummies, each has a unique face drawn on their heads. Cedric chuckled. “Oh, Emmie.”

He turned to the group. “Your task is simple. Use the blade of your sword to cleanly remove the head of the dummy in one stroke.”

“That’s child’s play.” scoffed Anthony.

Cedric raised an amused brow. “Care to offer us a demonstration?” he asked.

Anthony, feeling big and proud, approached the cloth dummy and unsheathed his short bronze short sword. With all of his might he swung his blade toward the dummy.

The impact through Anthony off balance and he fell to the ground. His blade bounded after the first and second years. They all gasped, Tina cowered. The tip of the blade dug into the earth only a foot from Bay, to which he sighed of relief and passed out.

Cedric shook his head. “Moxie can only get you so far, Anthony. Who would like to try next?”

Tina had a swing at it. She was able to keep control of her stance as well as the sword, but the blade became lodged in the wooden neck of the dummy. “Oh, well that’s not good…”

“I just have to hit it hard…” Cole thought to himself. He approached the wooden dummy, which was staring at him with it’s crooked smile and badly drawn eyeballs.

It looked kind of freaky.

Grunting loudly, Cole swung at full force and whacked the dummy as hard as he could. After the neck remained intact he swung again. And again. And finally after the fourth swing, the neck tumbled to the ground.

“I-I did it!” Cole huffed.

“Nope.” Cedric said plainly.

“Whaddyou mean? I cut his head off!” Cole said, confused.

“No, you butchered his head off.” Cedric held the head of the dummy up. It’s wooden neck was as frayed as one could get a wooden neck to be. “Secondly, I said to do it in one stroke. It took you four.”

Cedric unsheathed his glorious silver blade. He came unto a group of dummies, and after a deep breath, cleanly cut all four of the dummies heads off swiftly. The cut was so clean that the wooden necks looked like they had been sanded.

“Wooow.” Said Tina with sparkles in her eyes.

Cole didn’t say anything. He was both astonished and felt out played.

“Big whoop. With that fancy blade of yours it shouldn’t be too tough to do it.” Anthony said.

With a motion of Cedric’s hand, all of the second years came unto a cloth dummy. All but one of the second years (the one being Bay,) cleanly and quickly cut the heads off of the dummies. They used bronze swords, just as the first years.

“I hit it as hard as I could,” Said Cole defensively, “but I wasn’t strong enough. It’s impossible.”

“Not if you do it right.” Cedric said. “You’re all relying on power too much. It’s about speed and precision, not how hard you can swing a blade.”

Tina finally freed her blade from the dummy. “But if you don’t hit it hard, than how could it possibly cut through?”

“Just trust me.” Cedric said.

Heeding his advice, Cole took his blade and approached another dummy. He swung fast and cut the arm off of it. “I got the arm!” he excitedly said, jumping up for joy.

“But he said cut the head off.” Anthony mentioned, giving it another try. Only he cut the lower half of the dummy, which made the entire thing fall on top of him.

Cole laughed and Tina giggled.

Tina tried once more and she cut the other arm off.

“Between the three of you, you’ve successfully cut everything except for the neck.” Cedric said, rather humored.

After many tried attempts, Cole was the first to successfully cut the head off of a dummy in one stroke. While not as clean of a cut, still a successful attempt.

“Very nice, Cole. Cut ninety-nine more heads off and you’ll be finished with practice.”

The three first years gasped in shock and surprise.

“NINETY-NINE? Are you mad?!” Tina suddenly shouted out.

Everybody except for Cole, Tina, and Anthony erupted in laughter.

“Just jesting,” laughed Cedric. “It’s recommended you fell five heads each, but regardless our training will be over in thirty minutes.

After recovering from the shock, the three began trying to fell dummy heads as quickly as they could.

By the thirty minute time up, Tina actually made it to the top with eight felled heads. Cole barely passed with five heads, while steamy Anthony only managed two heads.

Cedric blew into his whistle and said, “Excellent work, everyone! First years, be ready for more later today. Hey Bay, thank you for not mistaking anybody for a dummy this time.” He clapped his hands. “Training over!”

A Real PUNishment – Derek, Peter and James compete to see who’s the punniest!

“It’s really hot in here.” Said James, using a paper plate as a fan.
“It’s just me.” Said Peter with a smug look on his face.

Derek blew a raspberry from across the table. “You’re about as hot as Antarctica.” He laughed.

“Woah woah woah, just cool it. Snow need to be so harsh.” Peter said.

Water you thinking throwing puns out like that?” Derek said.

“If you ever want to be as good as me, you have a lot to ketchup on.” Peter said.

“I’m bread-y for anything you throw at me.” Derek said.

“You’re toast then.” Peter said.

“You’re skills butter be greater than your mouth.” Derek said.

“Maybe a nice fruit punch will prove my point.” Peter said.

“It wood-‘nt hurt berry much!” Derek said.

“You’re such a pine in the butt.” Peter said.

“I have something fir yew.” Derek said.

“Is it acorn-y joke?” Peter said.

“It mite bee.” Derek said.

“Just tell me what it is. You’re so slug-ish.” Peter said.

Finally James jumped in and said, “He’s not good at thinking of things on the fly.

“Speaking of, yours is currently down.” Derek said, breaking the chain of puns.

“What?!” Shouted James, embarrassed.

Peter laughed. “That was a punny joke.”

“Oh brothers.” James rolled his eyes.


If you enjoyed my flash fiction, please let me know in the comments. I love to hear what you have to say, even if it’s constructive criticism.

While you’re at it, why not check out my other flash fictions? There’s many more that features the McWilliams family, and so much more!

Thanks for Reading!

Inferior – James and Prototype

“I think this is it. I’ve finally perfected my prototype robot!” James announced amid excitement.

He flicked the switch on his robot to On and took a step back.

The bot’s eyes flickered on, and it straightened up.

“Power up complete.” It said in an extremely synthetic voice.

James smiled. “Now all I have to do is program a personality into it, and—”


The blue robot smash the passenger window of their SUV and proceeded to destroy other contraptions in the garage.

“Prototype—no!” James exclaimed.

The lawn mower, chainsaw, weed trimmer, and other assorted items were demolished by the small yet powerful bot.

But his rampage was over as fast as it started. 

“What was that for?” James questioned.

“Those beings were inferior to me.”


If you enjoyed my flash fiction, please let me know in the comments. I love to hear what you have to say, even if it’s constructive criticism.

While you’re at it, why not check out my other flash fictions? There’s many more that features the McWilliams family, and so much more!

Thanks for Reading!

Canadian Root Beer – Peter and Derek

A cute blonde girl is hastily retrieving things from her locker, looking like she’s trying to get out of there as soon as possible.

“What’s up, babe?” Said Peter the lover of all girls. He’s leaning against the locker beside hers.

The blonde girl muttered something along the lines of ‘So close!’ She kept a tight grip on her books and said, “Hello, Peter…”

“So I was wondering if you’d like to accompany me for a movie tonight?” Asked Peter cooly.

“Sorry, I-I can’t because…” Her mind raced for an excuse. “Because I’m moving to Canada!” She quickly said.

“I can go with you! We can eat some Canadian bacon and drink Canadian root beer. Do they make that?”

“No! You can’t because…my dad is allergic to you.” On her way to break into a run, she dropped one of her books. She didn’t bother to retrieve it and ran as fast as she could.

Derek walked up beside Peter and said. “Wow. I’ve never seen Tabitha run before in my life.”

“She totally digs me, bro.” Peter chuckled.


If you enjoyed my flash fiction, please let me know in the comments. I love to hear what you have to say, even if it’s constructive criticism.

While you’re at it, why not check out my other flash fictions? There’s many more that features the McWilliams family, and so much more!

Thanks for Reading!