Pasta Puns – Derek and Peter

“Peter, don’t eat with your hands!” Sheila, the mother, commanded her son, who is eating spaghetti with his hands.

“But mom, I’m not stroganoff to use a fork.” Peter laughed.

“The real Peter would never admit to not being stroganoff…you must be an impasta!” Derek hopped on the pun train.

“You’ve lost your noodle!” Peter responded.

“I bet you paid a pretty penne for that one.” Derek said.

“No way, puns are a part of my daily rotini.” Peter said.

“You look as dough you’re coming up with these on the spot!”

James is shaking his head. “Would you guys cut it out?” He asked with shake of his head.

Wheat a minute, we’re not done yet!” Peter and Derek said at the same time.

“Here we go agrain.” James deadpanned.

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Rocket Robbery – Peter and Stella

“It doesn’t take a genius to know this is a bad idea.” said Stella, arms folded and eyebrow quirked.

“That’s what makes it fun!” Peter stated proudly as he picked the lock on Derek’s door. Derek is currently away from the house with some friends.

The two inched into his room. It’s decorated with guitars, countless photos of himself, family, and friends, as well as a blown up picture of James’ eye in a twitch. Even while he’s away he left his stereo playing rock music from his big, expensive speakers.

Peter opened up the bottom drawer of Derek’s dresser and began to dig around.

“You sure it’s in there?” Stella questioned. She was about to ask why he’d hide a rocket in the first place, but the answer was very clear to her.

Peter unearthed the functional model rocket from the depths of Derek’s dresser. “Positive!”

The two scrambled out the door, down the stairs, across the living, through the garage (where a curious little robot called Prototype began to follow), and finally out to the front yard.

Peter assembled the model rocket on the driveway and firmly held the remote control.

And dropped it.

“Lemme see it.” Stella said, reaching for the remote.

“I took it and assembled it. You get your turn after mine.”

Prototype blipped happily.

The rocket hummed as Peter sent power into it. Before long the rocket blasted into the air, impressing the three watchers.

At least until it flew into second story window with a loud crash!

“Nice going.” Said Stella.

Peter chuckled. “At least it’s back in Derek’s room…”

Neither were aware of Prototype, who’s eyes quickly turned red. He shouted in his synthesized robotic boy voice, “Intruder breaking in!”

Both Peter and Stella exclaimed, trying to calm the aggravated robot.

“It’s not an intruder!” Peter shouted, waving his arms.

But it was too late. Prototype fired a REAL rocket into the very same window the FAKE rocket blasted into. There was a loud boom, some fire, lots of breaking sounds. One of Derek’s expensive speakers flew out of the window and nearly beheaded Peter.

Peter and Stella exchanged a glance.

“Technically Prototype broke his room, so…” Stella began.

“Then technically that makes it James’ fault since Prototype is his robot…” Peter mentioned.

“Intruder neutralized.” Prototype said.

Peter and Stella slowly walked away from the robot.

Slicing for Dummies – Guild Training II

“Swordsman,” Said Cedric, a rather small built man. He’s not short, his overall body mass is only small. “Give me your undivided attention, if you will.”

Every first year Swordsman brought their attention to Cedric, and through their initial expectation of him, they were sorely surprised. Most figured he’d be big and bulky, full of muscle and girth. Others thought him to be rugged and mean, like a pirate of the seas.

“That’s the legendary Captain Cedric we’ve been told about?” Questioned Anthony of Gem Guild. “Kind of a let down.”

“I kinda expected him to be, I dunno…more buff and handsome.” Shrugged Tina of Stone Guild.

“Guys, they do say big gifts come in small boxes.” Said Cole, a bit more optimistic than the rest of the first years.

“It’s packages, not boxes.” a second year named Gabe mentioned. “Nevertheless you three shouldn’t question Captain Cedric.”

“I wasn’t questioning him, merely a misconception of what I had thought he would be like.” Anthony said.

“Behold the practice dummies,” Cedric said, holding out his arm toward a line of wooden and stone practice dummies. “Using these bad boys you’ll practice some basic sword skills.”

A third year stepped up to one of the stone dummies, readied his stance, and within the blink of an eye he sliced across the dummy, effectively cutting clean through it’s left shoulder to its right leg.

Scattered applause sounded (as well as some female Swordsman giggling lovingly at his performance).

“And as Steven just demonstrated, with much practice, a swordsman can accomplish great things.” Said Cedric. “First and second years follow me.”

He led the group to an area surrounded with cloth dummies, each has a unique face drawn on their heads. Cedric chuckled. “Oh, Emmie.”

He turned to the group. “Your task is simple. Use the blade of your sword to cleanly remove the head of the dummy in one stroke.”

“That’s child’s play.” scoffed Anthony.

Cedric raised an amused brow. “Care to offer us a demonstration?” he asked.

Anthony, feeling big and proud, approached the cloth dummy and unsheathed his short bronze short sword. With all of his might he swung his blade toward the dummy.

The impact through Anthony off balance and he fell to the ground. His blade bounded after the first and second years. They all gasped, Tina cowered. The tip of the blade dug into the earth only a foot from Bay, to which he sighed of relief and passed out.

Cedric shook his head. “Moxie can only get you so far, Anthony. Who would like to try next?”

Tina had a swing at it. She was able to keep control of her stance as well as the sword, but the blade became lodged in the wooden neck of the dummy. “Oh, well that’s not good…”

“I just have to hit it hard…” Cole thought to himself. He approached the wooden dummy, which was staring at him with it’s crooked smile and badly drawn eyeballs.

It looked kind of freaky.

Grunting loudly, Cole swung at full force and whacked the dummy as hard as he could. After the neck remained intact he swung again. And again. And finally after the fourth swing, the neck tumbled to the ground.

“I-I did it!” Cole huffed.

“Nope.” Cedric said plainly.

“Whaddyou mean? I cut his head off!” Cole said, confused.

“No, you butchered his head off.” Cedric held the head of the dummy up. It’s wooden neck was as frayed as one could get a wooden neck to be. “Secondly, I said to do it in one stroke. It took you four.”

Cedric unsheathed his glorious silver blade. He came unto a group of dummies, and after a deep breath, cleanly cut all four of the dummies heads off swiftly. The cut was so clean that the wooden necks looked like they had been sanded.

“Wooow.” Said Tina with sparkles in her eyes.

Cole didn’t say anything. He was both astonished and felt out played.

“Big whoop. With that fancy blade of yours it shouldn’t be too tough to do it.” Anthony said.

With a motion of Cedric’s hand, all of the second years came unto a cloth dummy. All but one of the second years (the one being Bay,) cleanly and quickly cut the heads off of the dummies. They used bronze swords, just as the first years.

“I hit it as hard as I could,” Said Cole defensively, “but I wasn’t strong enough. It’s impossible.”

“Not if you do it right.” Cedric said. “You’re all relying on power too much. It’s about speed and precision, not how hard you can swing a blade.”

Tina finally freed her blade from the dummy. “But if you don’t hit it hard, than how could it possibly cut through?”

“Just trust me.” Cedric said.

Heeding his advice, Cole took his blade and approached another dummy. He swung fast and cut the arm off of it. “I got the arm!” he excitedly said, jumping up for joy.

“But he said cut the head off.” Anthony mentioned, giving it another try. Only he cut the lower half of the dummy, which made the entire thing fall on top of him.

Cole laughed and Tina giggled.

Tina tried once more and she cut the other arm off.

“Between the three of you, you’ve successfully cut everything except for the neck.” Cedric said, rather humored.

After many tried attempts, Cole was the first to successfully cut the head off of a dummy in one stroke. While not as clean of a cut, still a successful attempt.

“Very nice, Cole. Cut ninety-nine more heads off and you’ll be finished with practice.”

The three first years gasped in shock and surprise.

“NINETY-NINE? Are you mad?!” Tina suddenly shouted out.

Everybody except for Cole, Tina, and Anthony erupted in laughter.

“Just jesting,” laughed Cedric. “It’s recommended you fell five heads each, but regardless our training will be over in thirty minutes.

After recovering from the shock, the three began trying to fell dummy heads as quickly as they could.

By the thirty minute time up, Tina actually made it to the top with eight felled heads. Cole barely passed with five heads, while steamy Anthony only managed two heads.

Cedric blew into his whistle and said, “Excellent work, everyone! First years, be ready for more later today. Hey Bay, thank you for not mistaking anybody for a dummy this time.” He clapped his hands. “Training over!”

A Real PUNishment – Derek, Peter and James compete to see who’s the punniest!

“It’s really hot in here.” Said James, using a paper plate as a fan.
“It’s just me.” Said Peter with a smug look on his face.

Derek blew a raspberry from across the table. “You’re about as hot as Antarctica.” He laughed.

“Woah woah woah, just cool it. Snow need to be so harsh.” Peter said.

Water you thinking throwing puns out like that?” Derek said.

“If you ever want to be as good as me, you have a lot to ketchup on.” Peter said.

“I’m bread-y for anything you throw at me.” Derek said.

“You’re toast then.” Peter said.

“You’re skills butter be greater than your mouth.” Derek said.

“Maybe a nice fruit punch will prove my point.” Peter said.

“It wood-‘nt hurt berry much!” Derek said.

“You’re such a pine in the butt.” Peter said.

“I have something fir yew.” Derek said.

“Is it acorn-y joke?” Peter said.

“It mite bee.” Derek said.

“Just tell me what it is. You’re so slug-ish.” Peter said.

Finally James jumped in and said, “He’s not good at thinking of things on the fly.

“Speaking of, yours is currently down.” Derek said, breaking the chain of puns.

“What?!” Shouted James, embarrassed.

Peter laughed. “That was a punny joke.”

“Oh brothers.” James rolled his eyes.


 

If you enjoyed my flash fiction, please let me know in the comments. I love to hear what you have to say, even if it’s constructive criticism.

While you’re at it, why not check out my other flash fictions? There’s many more that features the McWilliams family, and so much more!

Thanks for Reading!

Inferior – James and Prototype

“I think this is it. I’ve finally perfected my prototype robot!” James announced amid excitement.

He flicked the switch on his robot to On and took a step back.

The bot’s eyes flickered on, and it straightened up.

“Power up complete.” It said in an extremely synthetic voice.

James smiled. “Now all I have to do is program a personality into it, and—”

CRASH!

The blue robot smash the passenger window of their SUV and proceeded to destroy other contraptions in the garage.

“Prototype—no!” James exclaimed.

The lawn mower, chainsaw, weed trimmer, and other assorted items were demolished by the small yet powerful bot.

But his rampage was over as fast as it started. 

“What was that for?” James questioned.

“Those beings were inferior to me.”


 

If you enjoyed my flash fiction, please let me know in the comments. I love to hear what you have to say, even if it’s constructive criticism.

While you’re at it, why not check out my other flash fictions? There’s many more that features the McWilliams family, and so much more!

Thanks for Reading!

Canadian Root Beer – Peter and Derek

A cute blonde girl is hastily retrieving things from her locker, looking like she’s trying to get out of there as soon as possible.

“What’s up, babe?” Said Peter the lover of all girls. He’s leaning against the locker beside hers.

The blonde girl muttered something along the lines of ‘So close!’ She kept a tight grip on her books and said, “Hello, Peter…”

“So I was wondering if you’d like to accompany me for a movie tonight?” Asked Peter cooly.

“Sorry, I-I can’t because…” Her mind raced for an excuse. “Because I’m moving to Canada!” She quickly said.

“I can go with you! We can eat some Canadian bacon and drink Canadian root beer. Do they make that?”

“No! You can’t because…my dad is allergic to you.” On her way to break into a run, she dropped one of her books. She didn’t bother to retrieve it and ran as fast as she could.

Derek walked up beside Peter and said. “Wow. I’ve never seen Tabitha run before in my life.”

“She totally digs me, bro.” Peter chuckled.


 

If you enjoyed my flash fiction, please let me know in the comments. I love to hear what you have to say, even if it’s constructive criticism.

While you’re at it, why not check out my other flash fictions? There’s many more that features the McWilliams family, and so much more!

Thanks for Reading!

Board Days – Derek and Stella

“I can’t do it!” Cried Stella, dropping to her knees in fear.

“Come on, sis. It’s not that scary.” Said Derek. “All you do you is push and stay balanced.

“I can’t!”

Derek set his skateboard on the concrete and stepped upon it. He shoved off and rocketed down the concrete ramp. Once down, he rode around and stopped where he had started.

“See, it’s easy.” He said, stepping off the board.

Stella gulped, got to her feet, and stared at her board. Slowly she worked up the courage to stand on it then…she kicked off and down the ramp she went!

Like a master, she rode around kicking the ground for more speed. Seeing she finally has it down, Derek kicked off as well.

Only his board had a loose wheel, so when it broke off the board tossed Derek across the concrete amd down the half pipe.

“I can’t do it!” Cried Derek, refusing to stand up.

“Come on, bro. It’s not that scary.” Said Stella. “Your wheel popped off, it won’t happen again.”


 

If you enjoyed my flash fiction, please let me know in the comments. I love to hear what you have to say, even if it’s constructive criticism.

While you’re at it, why not check out my other flash fictions? There’s many more that features the McWilliams family, and so much more!

Thanks for Reading!