Slicing for Dummies – Guild Training II

“Swordsman,” Said Cedric, a rather small built man. He’s not short, his overall body mass is only small. “Give me your undivided attention, if you will.”

Every first year Swordsman brought their attention to Cedric, and through their initial expectation of him, they were sorely surprised. Most figured he’d be big and bulky, full of muscle and girth. Others thought him to be rugged and mean, like a pirate of the seas.

“That’s the legendary Captain Cedric we’ve been told about?” Questioned Anthony of Gem Guild. “Kind of a let down.”

“I kinda expected him to be, I dunno…more buff and handsome.” Shrugged Tina of Stone Guild.

“Guys, they do say big gifts come in small boxes.” Said Cole, a bit more optimistic than the rest of the first years.

“It’s packages, not boxes.” a second year named Gabe mentioned. “Nevertheless you three shouldn’t question Captain Cedric.”

“I wasn’t questioning him, merely a misconception of what I had thought he would be like.” Anthony said.

“Behold the practice dummies,” Cedric said, holding out his arm toward a line of wooden and stone practice dummies. “Using these bad boys you’ll practice some basic sword skills.”

A third year stepped up to one of the stone dummies, readied his stance, and within the blink of an eye he sliced across the dummy, effectively cutting clean through it’s left shoulder to its right leg.

Scattered applause sounded (as well as some female Swordsman giggling lovingly at his performance).

“And as Steven just demonstrated, with much practice, a swordsman can accomplish great things.” Said Cedric. “First and second years follow me.”

He led the group to an area surrounded with cloth dummies, each has a unique face drawn on their heads. Cedric chuckled. “Oh, Emmie.”

He turned to the group. “Your task is simple. Use the blade of your sword to cleanly remove the head of the dummy in one stroke.”

“That’s child’s play.” scoffed Anthony.

Cedric raised an amused brow. “Care to offer us a demonstration?” he asked.

Anthony, feeling big and proud, approached the cloth dummy and unsheathed his short bronze short sword. With all of his might he swung his blade toward the dummy.

The impact through Anthony off balance and he fell to the ground. His blade bounded after the first and second years. They all gasped, Tina cowered. The tip of the blade dug into the earth only a foot from Bay, to which he sighed of relief and passed out.

Cedric shook his head. “Moxie can only get you so far, Anthony. Who would like to try next?”

Tina had a swing at it. She was able to keep control of her stance as well as the sword, but the blade became lodged in the wooden neck of the dummy. “Oh, well that’s not good…”

“I just have to hit it hard…” Cole thought to himself. He approached the wooden dummy, which was staring at him with it’s crooked smile and badly drawn eyeballs.

It looked kind of freaky.

Grunting loudly, Cole swung at full force and whacked the dummy as hard as he could. After the neck remained intact he swung again. And again. And finally after the fourth swing, the neck tumbled to the ground.

“I-I did it!” Cole huffed.

“Nope.” Cedric said plainly.

“Whaddyou mean? I cut his head off!” Cole said, confused.

“No, you butchered his head off.” Cedric held the head of the dummy up. It’s wooden neck was as frayed as one could get a wooden neck to be. “Secondly, I said to do it in one stroke. It took you four.”

Cedric unsheathed his glorious silver blade. He came unto a group of dummies, and after a deep breath, cleanly cut all four of the dummies heads off swiftly. The cut was so clean that the wooden necks looked like they had been sanded.

“Wooow.” Said Tina with sparkles in her eyes.

Cole didn’t say anything. He was both astonished and felt out played.

“Big whoop. With that fancy blade of yours it shouldn’t be too tough to do it.” Anthony said.

With a motion of Cedric’s hand, all of the second years came unto a cloth dummy. All but one of the second years (the one being Bay,) cleanly and quickly cut the heads off of the dummies. They used bronze swords, just as the first years.

“I hit it as hard as I could,” Said Cole defensively, “but I wasn’t strong enough. It’s impossible.”

“Not if you do it right.” Cedric said. “You’re all relying on power too much. It’s about speed and precision, not how hard you can swing a blade.”

Tina finally freed her blade from the dummy. “But if you don’t hit it hard, than how could it possibly cut through?”

“Just trust me.” Cedric said.

Heeding his advice, Cole took his blade and approached another dummy. He swung fast and cut the arm off of it. “I got the arm!” he excitedly said, jumping up for joy.

“But he said cut the head off.” Anthony mentioned, giving it another try. Only he cut the lower half of the dummy, which made the entire thing fall on top of him.

Cole laughed and Tina giggled.

Tina tried once more and she cut the other arm off.

“Between the three of you, you’ve successfully cut everything except for the neck.” Cedric said, rather humored.

After many tried attempts, Cole was the first to successfully cut the head off of a dummy in one stroke. While not as clean of a cut, still a successful attempt.

“Very nice, Cole. Cut ninety-nine more heads off and you’ll be finished with practice.”

The three first years gasped in shock and surprise.

“NINETY-NINE? Are you mad?!” Tina suddenly shouted out.

Everybody except for Cole, Tina, and Anthony erupted in laughter.

“Just jesting,” laughed Cedric. “It’s recommended you fell five heads each, but regardless our training will be over in thirty minutes.

After recovering from the shock, the three began trying to fell dummy heads as quickly as they could.

By the thirty minute time up, Tina actually made it to the top with eight felled heads. Cole barely passed with five heads, while steamy Anthony only managed two heads.

Cedric blew into his whistle and said, “Excellent work, everyone! First years, be ready for more later today. Hey Bay, thank you for not mistaking anybody for a dummy this time.” He clapped his hands. “Training over!”

Stuck in Elevation – Derek and the Dorks

Derek is fast walking his way towards the mall, his backpack latched onto his back. His mother told him that he needed to drop by the mall to pick Stella’s tennis uniform she had ordered. And that he needed to go immediately after school.

But he wasn’t fast walking cause he needed to hurry. He was fast walking because of who was trailing him.

Nigel and Maurice, aka the school dorks.

“Derek,” heave, “you sure are fast!” said Maurice as he tried to keep up.

“We can’t show you our new playing cards from the Arc Wizards vs The Goblin Empire expansion pack if you keep up that pace!” Said Nigel.

Maurice nodded vigorously. “They even added a new a new type; Light!

“As tempting as that sounds,” Derek began, his tone of voice as least caring as it could ever be, “I’m gonna have to miss out. I need to pick up my sister’s outfit, and—”

“We’ll wait outside, then!” Both dorks said in unison with equal enthusiasm.

Derek cringed. “No, don’t do that.” he said.

“We’ll go in with you, then!”

Before Derek could express is utter distaste for their statement, they followed him into the overcrowded mall.

There were hundreds of people and dozens of stores. Derek tried to make a run in attempt to lose the dorks, but they kept right on his tail, telling him all about their new expansion pack.

In and out of stores, under and around crowds of people, and he even tried to hide in the bathroom.

Finally he ran as fast as he could into an elevator that leads him to the clothes store he needed to pick up Stella’s outfit from.

The dorks were nowhere to be found. Derek quickly selected to go up one floor and the doors closed.

With a sigh of relief, Derek leaned against the wall and patiently waited for his stop.

“Why are you picking up Stella’s outfit anyway?” Asked Nigel.

Derek exclaimed and turned around. Both Nigel and Maurice are now in the elevator with him.

“But—you—how did you—what?!” Derek rambled.

“He’s acting awful suspicious.” said Maurice. “You sure you’re not just trying to avoid us?”

Then the elevator stopped and the lights went out. The doors never opened.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!!” Derek shouted out in frustration.

The dorks proceeded to enthuse Derek about their dorky fantasy card game, oblivious to his anger.

The Last Straw – Derek, Peter and James

“Woah!!” A nicely dressed man shouted as he slipped on a water puddle and landed on the tiled floor.

Derek and Peter exploded into a fit of laughter.

“Ten out of ten, Pete.” Said Derek, patting his bro on the back.

Peter rested his hands behind his head. “All it takes is a hand to move the Warning: Wet Floor sign!” he said.

James had a sip of his root beer, unamused by his older brothers boisterous behavior.

Derek and Peter (who have scribbled over the ‘root’ on their root beer,) also had a drink.

“Aren’t you going to bend your straw?” Derek asked James.

James shook his head. “Nah, it’s fine.”

Peter did a spit take. “NAH?!” he exclaimed incredulously, “Whaddaya mean nah?! It’s a bendy straw, you can’t just—”

James took another sip of his soda, further ignoring his brothers spastic cry to bend the straw.

“NOO!” Peter shouted, “You need to fulfill it’s purpose in life!”


Today’s Question: To bend or not to bend? Do you prefer bendy straws, normal straws, or no straws at all?


Written by CodeJacey

Special thanks to my second-to-youngest sister for the story prompt!

 

Seafood

“Good evening, sir. What can I get for you?” Said the waiter.

“I’ll take a big, juicy steak. Medium well.” Said the customer.

“And will that be all?”

“That should do it.”

“Very well.”

The customer received his meal ten minutes after he ordered. The waiter returned five minutes after that.

“How is your meal, sir?” Asked the waiter.

“It’s good, but they gave me seafood.”

The waiter’s eyes popped open. “I’m terribly sorry sir, I’ll go and—”

After taking a big bite the customer said, “See, food!” And he opened his mouth wide.

The waiter held back a gag and said, “Oh, the vulgarity!” as he walked away.


 

If you enjoyed my flash fiction, please let me know in the comments. I love to hear what you have to say, even if it’s constructive criticism.

While you’re at it, why not check out my other flash fictions? There’s many more hilariously entertaining stories like this one, and so much more!

A Real PUNishment – Derek, Peter and James compete to see who’s the punniest!

“It’s really hot in here.” Said James, using a paper plate as a fan.
“It’s just me.” Said Peter with a smug look on his face.

Derek blew a raspberry from across the table. “You’re about as hot as Antarctica.” He laughed.

“Woah woah woah, just cool it. Snow need to be so harsh.” Peter said.

Water you thinking throwing puns out like that?” Derek said.

“If you ever want to be as good as me, you have a lot to ketchup on.” Peter said.

“I’m bread-y for anything you throw at me.” Derek said.

“You’re toast then.” Peter said.

“You’re skills butter be greater than your mouth.” Derek said.

“Maybe a nice fruit punch will prove my point.” Peter said.

“It wood-‘nt hurt berry much!” Derek said.

“You’re such a pine in the butt.” Peter said.

“I have something fir yew.” Derek said.

“Is it acorn-y joke?” Peter said.

“It mite bee.” Derek said.

“Just tell me what it is. You’re so slug-ish.” Peter said.

Finally James jumped in and said, “He’s not good at thinking of things on the fly.

“Speaking of, yours is currently down.” Derek said, breaking the chain of puns.

“What?!” Shouted James, embarrassed.

Peter laughed. “That was a punny joke.”

“Oh brothers.” James rolled his eyes.


 

If you enjoyed my flash fiction, please let me know in the comments. I love to hear what you have to say, even if it’s constructive criticism.

While you’re at it, why not check out my other flash fictions? There’s many more that features the McWilliams family, and so much more!

Thanks for Reading!

Inferior – James and Prototype

“I think this is it. I’ve finally perfected my prototype robot!” James announced amid excitement.

He flicked the switch on his robot to On and took a step back.

The bot’s eyes flickered on, and it straightened up.

“Power up complete.” It said in an extremely synthetic voice.

James smiled. “Now all I have to do is program a personality into it, and—”

CRASH!

The blue robot smash the passenger window of their SUV and proceeded to destroy other contraptions in the garage.

“Prototype—no!” James exclaimed.

The lawn mower, chainsaw, weed trimmer, and other assorted items were demolished by the small yet powerful bot.

But his rampage was over as fast as it started. 

“What was that for?” James questioned.

“Those beings were inferior to me.”


 

If you enjoyed my flash fiction, please let me know in the comments. I love to hear what you have to say, even if it’s constructive criticism.

While you’re at it, why not check out my other flash fictions? There’s many more that features the McWilliams family, and so much more!

Thanks for Reading!

Canadian Root Beer – Peter and Derek

A cute blonde girl is hastily retrieving things from her locker, looking like she’s trying to get out of there as soon as possible.

“What’s up, babe?” Said Peter the lover of all girls. He’s leaning against the locker beside hers.

The blonde girl muttered something along the lines of ‘So close!’ She kept a tight grip on her books and said, “Hello, Peter…”

“So I was wondering if you’d like to accompany me for a movie tonight?” Asked Peter cooly.

“Sorry, I-I can’t because…” Her mind raced for an excuse. “Because I’m moving to Canada!” She quickly said.

“I can go with you! We can eat some Canadian bacon and drink Canadian root beer. Do they make that?”

“No! You can’t because…my dad is allergic to you.” On her way to break into a run, she dropped one of her books. She didn’t bother to retrieve it and ran as fast as she could.

Derek walked up beside Peter and said. “Wow. I’ve never seen Tabitha run before in my life.”

“She totally digs me, bro.” Peter chuckled.


 

If you enjoyed my flash fiction, please let me know in the comments. I love to hear what you have to say, even if it’s constructive criticism.

While you’re at it, why not check out my other flash fictions? There’s many more that features the McWilliams family, and so much more!

Thanks for Reading!