Pasta Puns – Derek and Peter

“Peter, don’t eat with your hands!” Sheila, the mother, commanded her son, who is eating spaghetti with his hands.

“But mom, I’m not stroganoff to use a fork.” Peter laughed.

“The real Peter would never admit to not being stroganoff…you must be an impasta!” Derek hopped on the pun train.

“You’ve lost your noodle!” Peter responded.

“I bet you paid a pretty penne for that one.” Derek said.

“No way, puns are a part of my daily rotini.” Peter said.

“You look as dough you’re coming up with these on the spot!”

James is shaking his head. “Would you guys cut it out?” He asked with shake of his head.

Wheat a minute, we’re not done yet!” Peter and Derek said at the same time.

“Here we go agrain.” James deadpanned.

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Stick-It Notes – Gus and Peter

Gus, father of the McWilliams children, walked to the kitchen for a bite to eat.

Recalling chocolate pie in the fridge made that his first stop.

He opened up the refridgerator and behold, half a chocolate pie. But there was a stick-it note on the plastic lid.

“Do not eat – Peter” is what it read.

There was also a note on the orange soda. “Do not drink – also Peter”

In fact, all of the food in the fridge had a stick-it note plastered onto it with a family member’s name on it.

Giving up on a snack, Gus decided to watch some TV. He plopped on the couch and picked up the remote.

It also had a stick-it note!

“I call the TV next – Derek” it read.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Said Gus.

The car keys, bathroom door, laundry, board games, video games, laptops, phones, EVERYTHING had stick-it notes stuck to them by various members of the McWilliams family, each claiming ownership as if the stick-it note prevented others from using whatever they’re stuck it.

And it worked so far…

Gus shook his head. “I know how to stop this.”

Peter walked in the house, a bag of fast food in his hands. “I need to stick-it note my ownership on these…”

He walked to the closet to grab a stick-it note but was shocked to see the package of stick-it notes had a note on it.

“These are mine now. – Gus/Dad”

“Darn it.” Peter said.

Procrastination – Derek and Selena

Selena let out a loud groan, rubbing her temples.

“What’s the matter with you?” Asked Derek.

“I have this school project I have to do with Brandon, but my head is killing me right now…” She took her glasses off momentarily.

“Then don’t do it?” Said Derek with a shrug.

“I have to do it. It’s a school project, remember?” Selena repeated.

“What I meant was don’t worry about it now. Just do it later.”

“How would that help?” She asked.

“Selena, Selena, Selena.” Derek echoed. “It’s called procrastination. Don’t do it until you feel like it!”

Selena gave him a weird look. “That doesn’t sound very productive.”

“That’s the point.” Derek said. “Just listen to me. Have I ever done you wrong?”

“Do you want me to sugar coat the answer?” She asked. “But I guess I’ll try it. I’ll do more harm than good feeling this way anyway.

Two Weeks Later…

Selena and Brandon carted their parts of a project together. Brandon said, “Okay, I think I’ve made mine right. What about yours?”

Selena half chuckled and rubbed her arm. “Well actually…”

Confused, Brandon removed the cover of Selena’s project to reveal it was nothing more than scattered parts and unused tools.

“What the heck do you call this?!” He exclaimed in horror, knowing well they were gonna fail.

“I call it ‘I’m never listening to my brother’s advice again.'”

A “Wand”-derful Wizard – Peter and Selena

At first sound of a truck making a stop at their place, Peter dashed down the carpeted stairs and made it out the front door before the UPS man even got out of his truck.

He bounced excitedly as the less-than-enthusiastic UPS man grabbed a box from his truck and handed it over to Peter.

“It’s finally here!” Peter shouted joyously. This caught Selena’s attention, who was sitting in a lawn chair reading Sci-Fi.

“What’s here?” She inquired, taking a moment to look away from her novel and watch Peter tear the package open.

“From this day forth, my life will be changed forever…” Peter heroically raised his hand into the air. In his palm was a shiny wooden wand. “Behold.”

“…really?” Selena questioned without feeling. “Fantasy is so lame.”

“Oh yeah? Is this lame?” Peter questioned. He wove the wand around in circular motions. “Levitate!”

Nothing happened. Selena returned to her novel.

“Stupid thing. Let’s try an easier one…” He wove the wan again, this time cross ways at a rock. “Imitate!”

Nothing happened.

Peter quickly grew bored and tossed the wand backward, sighing and returning to the house.

As Selena was enjoying her novel, she suddenly heard a clang at the foot of her chair. Looking down she noticed a rock jumping at it. On it’s own!

For a second she stared at the thing before reality sunk in.

“Ayyye!!” She shrieked, dropping the novel and running in the house. “Peter you’re stupid wand works!